Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
