Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
