I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
