Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
23 Annoying things Girls Do When They’re Trying To Be Cute
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts