I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder