8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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