i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
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Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.