i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
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I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
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I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?