i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.