i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
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Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
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I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?