so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.