I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas