I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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