I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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