white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
