My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
