she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize