lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
