All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
