The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
