Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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