Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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