i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
be right there i have to get my cape
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
