Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
