it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
