Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
