The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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