It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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