I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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