Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
