i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
