I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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