So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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