i may or may not be watching the land before time
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
