im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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