She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
