Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
