i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
