The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
