I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
