I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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