I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
