you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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