i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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