Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
