You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
