just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
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I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
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The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.