I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards