Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.