I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest