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I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
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