I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
