Texts From Last Night

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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.

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  (907): I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it. http://tfl.nu/6xls
  Replies (38) Good night (8746) Bad night (1475)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway

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  (727): what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway http://tfl.nu/b3sf
  Replies (23) Good night (2395) Bad night (7123)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  "Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?

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  (850): "Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW? http://tfl.nu/ng2t
  Replies (18) Good night (4055) Bad night (1264)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Are you in a cab?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?

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  (312): Are you in a cab? (908): I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka? http://tfl.nu/9mwy
  Replies (3) Good night (2546) Bad night (930)
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  (518): View more from New York

  It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.

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  (518): It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up. http://tfl.nu/6w2h
  Replies (8) Good night (1203) Bad night (1643)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...

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  (704): So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ... http://tfl.nu/bcgx
  Replies (5) Good night (545) Bad night (1171)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange

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  (765): The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange http://tfl.nu/tkqz
  Replies (10) Good night (3403) Bad night (658)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.

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  (561): There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow. http://tfl.nu/9y2p
  Replies (5) Good night (1997) Bad night (659)
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  (831): View more from California

  I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.

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  (831): I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick. http://tfl.nu/d0cr
  Replies (7) Good night (1663) Bad night (544)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.

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  (812): Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome. http://tfl.nu/9uj2
  Replies (9) Good night (1586) Bad night (597)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie

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  (706): I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie http://tfl.nu/t5j0
  Replies (2) Good night (321) Bad night (1006)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?

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  (+44): Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin? http://tfl.nu/rh13
  Replies (5) Good night (502) Bad night (300)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.

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  (306): just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute. http://tfl.nu/w8bj
  Replies (6) Good night (259) Bad night (664)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.

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  (785): I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright. http://tfl.nu/s51t
  Replies (0) Good night (413) Bad night (319)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.

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  (231): Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it. http://tfl.nu/zdq2
  Replies (0) Good night (451) Bad night (154)

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