in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I cockslap morals
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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