take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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