Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
