My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
