Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
