there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
