And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
