the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
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Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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