Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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