he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
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I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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