i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
