big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Terrible idea I love it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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