don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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