Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
