So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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