Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
