ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
