his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Congratulations! We have a period
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
