I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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