maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
