Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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