im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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