I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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